Captain Agility

“Well there won’t be any berries in the fruit-salad now so we all lose.”
(A movie that looks funny.)

So I went to Zaxby’’s tonight after the game. I got a Zensation Salad (I flippin” guarantee you can”t say that 5X real quick) thinking I was doing good for calories. I mean, compared to a Hardee’’s Thickburger, surely a salad’’s gotta” be less calories. NOPE. 900 calories. For a SALAD!

Look, a new invention to help you shave your goatee properly.  I don”t even know how to adequately comment here.

“You all took a life here today. You did. The life of the party.”
Michael Scott

“See, the problem with speculation is, you make a spec out of you, and some guy named lation…”
House

My lovely wife, Beth.
“There aren’t very many people who have seen my private parts that I could actually have a conversation with on the street.”

(She was referring to how cool her gynecologist is when she ran into him at the gym.)

…but I’m not short-changing my dog. That’s why I feed my dog Iams.”
This was the line from an Iams commercial I recently saw.
This is the same dog who eats his own poop, drinks his own pee, eats bugs, small animals, buries his food and digs it up weeks later ingesting not only dirt and soot but worms too, licks his crotch, and eats his own puke. I’m not quite sure I personally am all that concerned with what type of dog-food I feed my dog. But that’s just me.

I’m 29 years old. I feel like I’m 50. I didn’t know this sore, tired, out of shape crud happened this early.

Ryan thinks that technology is the answer. Well guess what? I just drove my car into a lake…Why, you might ask, did I do this? Well, because of a machine. A machine told me to drive into a lake and I did it. I did it because I trusted Ryan’s precious technology, and look where it got me.
-Michael Scott

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